That’s the sound that filled my weekend with pleasure and pressure right from last Friday night till yesterday.
Before I tell you in detail what happened on my weekend, let me ask you this.
Have you experience the…
BROWN FLOW OF DEATH?
No? You’re in luck. Let me tell this recent wonderful experience of mine.
It’s like tap water. Once you open it and WOW, there will be overflowing of serenity, joy and relieve. Flows out like water. Very fluent water flow. Fast and can’t stop if you want to. Prolly it’s a good idea not to stop it.
Now, the only thing is that it’s brown. And omits a funkay type of smell. Not smelly though. Just funkay.
But if you ignore the funkay smell, the flow of death is actually a form of brown art!
Cos it sprays evenly into the toilet bowl.
But sometimes it hits outside the toilet bowl.
And some onto the toilet floor.
And maybe some sprinkles to my ass cheeks.
And on my legs.
But it doesn’t matter. There’s art all over.
And it’s a controllable art I might add. Cos it comes out in batches.
Explosive batches.
You can control where it blasts itself. On the left a bit. On the right a bit. Or you just wanna spam the centre that’s fine also.
Sometimes it shoots blank. Only air comes out. More funkay smell.
Now you know what they say, practice makes perfect.
And I would say I have PLENTY amount of practices. So now I am damn pro if I want to re-enact the..
BROWN FLOW OF DEATH.
Yes people. That’s how sad I was. For 3 wholesome fucking days and nights I’ve been going in and out of the toilet just to master this art. Squatted till my legs almost detach itself from my body.
Yeah I squat. I can’t sit. If I sit, the uncomfortable pose just make it doesn’t wanna come out.
However, someone (better not say his name or else he cannot cari makan no more) told me he needs to sit, and he can’t squat. Cos if he squats, his dick will touch the inner parts of the toilet bowl.
That’s a very shallow toilet bowl you got there heh. You do it on the floor or something?
Anyway, the whole pressure started when I went for an appointment in 1Utama. It was a late tea meeting and I didn’t had any lunch so after the meeting, I went to my favorite salon to get my hair cut and proceeded to Carls Junior and tarpau something to eat.
Waited for 20 minutes for my order; which I don’t know why, played some solitaire on my phone while waiting.
After it was ready I took off to my office.
Ate some fries along the way. The traffic was heavy so the fries was finished by the time I got back.
So after I settled down, whipped out the burger and ate the mafaka up.
Two hours later, I felt sleepy. Not sure why.
I called it a day and went back home for a nap. And when I woke up, that’s when the horror starts.
My body starts outputting both ways; from the bottom and from the top. All the Carls Junior came out through the throat. Can taste the fries somemore.
Repeat 3 times.
Unable to withstand the suffering, I went to see the doctor. Gave me some medicines. Took it immediately.
Went home and did the BROWN FLOW OF DEATH and WHITE FLOW OF CARLS JUNIOR again.
This went on till 3AM in the morning. And it was crazy. I puked till the point when there’s nothing to puke no more.
The next thing I knew; I eat medicine, I puke medicine. I drink water, I puke water. Till the point I am so thirsty can die dot com dot my.
No choice, I drove myself to see the doctor again. Although she told me that I should go to the hospital to get an IV drip, I told her to give me a jap and then see how first la.
So she did. Not sure if she got see any brown art stuck on my ass anot la but I was already to sick to care.
Puke lesser after that. But still go toilet constantly. My body has a way to cleanse itself.
So yeah, like this lor. Berberak-berak non-stop until yesterday.
Damn pain I tell you. I mean my asshole la. It like kena rape non-stop.
I’ve never felt so violated *cry cry *. My asshole is so lose right now, you can side park a Myvi inside already I think.
But the worse part is not this. I look myself in the mirror yesterday and guess what I saw?
What used to be a spare tyre around my waist, now becomes a tayar pancit. Sigh…
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